Great! Now we're gonna be late.
We should've planned for this. You can't plan for this.
That's why they call it an ambush.
I just don't like keeping Lilith waiting. That's all.
No. You just don't like to keep your stomach waiting.
- I'm fluent in Iolaus, remember? - Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm fluent... in Hercules.
You see, I know that we're not really going to Lilith's to help her with the harvest.
So, come on. Let's have it.
Have... what?
The real reason... that we're going to Lilith's.
All right.
In her letter, she said she was having trouble with Seska.
Oh, yeah? I thought Seska was at the academy.
No. She... graduated last spring.
What... [Grunts]
Apparently, ever since she's been back,
she's been getting... into fights.
[Both Yelling]
Yeah, well... [Yells]
Fighting... never...
solved... anything!
Eh.
[Thugs Groaning] Whoo-hoo-hoo!
[Panting] So, what's the plan?
Well, come on. [Chattering]
So, we bale some hay and give Seska a good talking-to.
Don't tell me you forgot what it was like to be a teenager?
Well, Herc, it's been a long time. Well, you know.
You tell 'em to go right, and they go left.
Then you tell 'em to go left, and they go right. No. They still go left,
because they know you've been tryin' to get them to go right all along.
Right. Wait a second. I'm confused. I don't know which way to go with it.
Look, we can't just walk in there like we have all the answers.
Right. We've gotta find out what Seska's problems are...
and try to help her steer her way through them.
Since when have you been an expert in raising teenagers?
I raised you, didn't I?
Yeah, I guess... Wait a minute.
[Chattering]
[Young Man] Hey, Seska.
We're having a party tonight. You wanna come?
Sure. Great.
We need somebody to serve the drinks.
[All Laughing]
Or you can be the maid and clean up.
Yeah. We make a real mess.
Are you sure she's our third? Yeah, 'cause she looks pretty lame.
Of course I'm sure.
Do you know how much unexpressed rage she's feeling right now?
Rage you're gonna help her channel. If you say so.
Hoo! Watch out, Magnus. She went to the academy.
- She'll kick your ass. - [Mock Whimpering]
His ass isn't worth kicking.
Oh. [Laughing]
- [Yells] - [Groans]
What's going on here, son?
Nothing. Uh! Dad!
You wouldn't happen to be picking another fight, now, would you, Seska?
I don't pick fights. They pick me.
I warn you, young lady. If I catch you brawling in public again,
you will spend the summer under house arrest.
Do you understand?
This isn't over.
Come on, guys.
[Exhales]
Off you go.
Hey, nice kick. Oh, get lost.
You know what I like most about Magnus?
What? Nothing.
I'm Haleh, and that's Sariah.
You can think of us as your friendly neighborhood pest control.
So, how'd you like to get rid of that roach once and for all?
You heard the magistrate. I can't get in any more fights.
Yeah, well, exactly.
There are... other ways of taking revenge.
The power of what?
Not "what." "Who."
Nebros... the first warlock.
He discovered that the gods weren't the only source of power in the world.
These are his teachings, and now we follow them.
Okay.
Only a triad of witches can unleash the power of the book.
Just read along. You'll see.
"Great spirits of the beyond, we beseech you; hear our prayer.
"Give us a sign so that we may serve you.
Time... past, present, future."
"Course... Beginning, middle, end."
"Creation... heaven, earth, water."
[All] Give us the power, show us the way.
[Thunder, Lightning] Give us the power, show us the way.
Give me your hand, Seska.
[Gasps] What are you doing?
[Gasps]
[Exhales]
I think I'm gonna like this.
[No Audible Dialogue]
I doubt Hercules will.
Welcome to our club. [Laughing]
[Man Narrating] This is the story of a time long ago,
a time of myth and legend,
when the ancient gods were petty and cruel,
and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power...
Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen,
a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera,
the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil,
wherever an innocent would suffer,
there would be... Hercules.
- [Screeching] - [Roaring]
Hail!
Oh! Excuse me. I hope I didn't hurt you. [Chuckles]
Although, given the imbalance in our body mass ratios,
that would be virtually impossible.
There's the wimp!
Who's this, your bodyguard?
Okay, okay. I'll admit it.
But I hope, someday, I'll stop needing his protection.
It's like I keep telling him. You have got to stop running to... to...
Isoceles. Isoceles every time you have a problem.
Iolaus, you're right, and it's time I returned the favor.
So starting today, anyone who wants to mess with Isoceles...
has to go through me.
Thanks. Yeah. Why were they after you?
Magnus is the magistrate's son.
He decides who's part of the in-crowd and who isn't.
Guess I didn't make the cut. Thanks again.
Now I remember why I hated being a teenager.
Oh, come on. You guys have nothing to complain about.
After all, you were friends with the most popular girl in school.
Oh, yeah. What was her name again?
Uh, Sondra? Jennifer?
Trisha? [Chuckles] Lilith?
No, that's not it. Nah.
[Laughing] [Laughing]
Ah! Oh!
Oh, thanks for coming, guys.
It sounds like Seska's having a rough go of it. Yeah. I can see why.
[Laughing, Chattering]
It's not just Magnus.
Ever since she got back from the academy, it's...
It's like she's... lost.
I remember feeling the same way when I graduated.
It's a tough age. You're not a kid anymore, but you're not an adult either.
Hercules! Hey, Seska.
What are you doing here?
Uh, Iolaus and I were in the neighborhood,
and we thought we'd, you know, help your mother out with the harvest.
[Chuckling] You really are a bad liar.
Yeah. Yeah, I am, aren't I? [Laughing]
Uh... [Sighs]
Your mom's worried about you.
Well,
since we're being so honest, I should really tell you...
how she's been suffocating me with her worrying.
And nothing personal, Hercules, but I kinda resent that she asked you to come here.
I didn't come to tell you what to do.
I came here as a friend.
Well, I can tell you... from one friend to another... don't worry about me.
[Iolaus] Seska!
Hey, that's lunch. Iolaus.
Yeah. Heh.
Uh, it's really good to see you.
Lunch, huh? Yeah.
Thanks for helping me out here.
Hey, I was helping in the kitchen.
You have to remember this is the homecoming game.
The score's tied, it's the final play, and your mother here...
If you ever want to eat here again,
you'll stop the story right there.
- Okay. - Good.
- Take it, buddy. - Okay, well, you see,
your mother decided that she had to distract the enemy. Iolaus, don't you dare!
The only thing she could think of was to flash at them.
[Laughing] Needless to say, It... It was a titillating performance.
[Iolaus, Lilith Laughing]
[Sighs]
- You were a wild one, Mom. - [Out Of Breath]
Can I be excused?
- Well, we haven't had dessert. - I'm meeting some friends.
Well, that's great. Who are they? [Haleh] They's us.
I'm Haleh, and this is Sariah.
Uh, my mom, Iolaus and Hercules.
- Ready to go? - You didn't tell me you made a couple of friends.
I didn't think it was newsworthy.
- Maybe they'd like to join us. - They didn't come here for a picnic.
- At least stay for dessert. - Mom. We're not toddlers, okay? Quit it.
I'll be back when I'm back.
Tell me, Hercules. I've always wondered...
are you superior to mortal men in... every way?
Do you know the difference between being witty and being rude?
No. What?
- That's what I thought. - [Chuckling] Oh.
What?
Hey, your babysitter's cute. Old friend of my mom's.
Let me introduce you to someone who can help get him off your back.
- Thanks, but I need no introduction. - Who are you?
Looks like you do need an introduction after all.
Or not.
Let's just say every club needs a sponsor,
and I'm yours.
Did you get it? A lock of Magnus's hair.
I got it last night while he was sleeping. He snores like a rhino.
What's this for? You.
You want Hercules off your back, and you want to get back at Magnus, right?
L-I guess so. Then, sister, have I got the deal for you.
But you... have to act now.
Haleh. Have you seen Seska?
Yeah. I think she went to town.
Thank you.
You know,
Seska may not want you as a babysitter,
but she doesn't speak for me.
Look, I'm sure you've had it rough,
but that doesn't give you an excuse to talk to me like that.
You don't know anything about me.
I know people don't grow a thick skin for no reason,
especially at your age.
You wanna tell me about it?
[Sighs]
My parents died when I was little,
and now I live with my uncle who...
Well, he drinks too much and... resents having to take care of me.
[Sighs] Hercules...
[Sighs] Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Don't patronize me, Hercules.
You know, the worst thing anyone your age can do...
is pretend they remember what it's like to be young.
The worst thing you can do is pretend that your pain doesn't bother you.
Oh, you really are special, Hercules...
in an "after school" kind of way.
You don't have to like me, Haleh,
but I want to make you clear on something.
Seska's a friend of mine. Anyone who hurts my friends... hurts me.
Well, maybeyou should grow a thicker skin.
[People Chattering]
Hey. Seska. Seska, wait. Come on.
For what? For you to lecture me on how I should treat my mother?
I know you think she embarrassed you, but she's just trying to be included in your life.
Yeah? Well, maybe I wanna spend some time with my new friends, okay?
Oh, so that's who you call those two.
- [Woman Screams] - [Growling, Roaring]
[Roars] [Screaming]
[Roars]
Friend of yours?
Help me. Help me.
Help... me.
He turned Magnus into a monster!
[Gasps] Put me down!
He's a warlock! Hercules is a warlock!
Put me down!
Please! Somebody help me get down from here!
It's him! It's Hercules!
Arrest that man!
Wow. I didn't see that one coming.
Put me down! Please put me down! Somebody help me!
- Put her down! - I didn't... - [Screams]
- [Gasps] - [People Chattering] - [Man] It was Hercules!
- Herc, what did you do? - [Sighs]
They think I'm a warlock.
[Groaning]
[Groans]
The penalty for practicing witchcraft is death.
Then lucky for me I had nothing to do with this.
You transformed my son into a beast and back again with merely a touch.
And that poor girl whose life you threatened with the power of levitation.
Do you deny what we just saw with our own eyes?
Looks can be deceiving.
I don't practice witchcraft.
A trial will decide that.
And if you truly believe in your innocence, you will obey our laws and come quietly.
I wouldn't do it any other way.
[Guard] Come on, warlock!
[Chattering]
Boy, some people have short memories.
Didn't you save this town, like, 10 times last winter?
Yeah, but what have I done for them lately?
Yeah, really. So, what's the idea here?
"And the truth will set them free"?
Unfortunately, this time, I can't tell the truth.
Aw, great. Hercules, you're innocent.
Come on. These girls set you up. Mm-hmm.
And if I prove they're practicing witchcraft, instead of me,
the town will burn them for it.
I don't want to live with that on my conscience.
I don't get it. What have they got against you?
Huh.
Something tells me they're not in this alone.
- Meaning? - Witches aren't born knowing spells.
They have to learn them word-for-word.
- So, who taught them? - Someone with access to theBook of Witchcraft.
And the last I heard, it was lost at the bottom of the Dead Sea.
How do you get something from the bottom of the ocean?
- You'd have to be... - A god.
And I think I know which one.
Competence is so rare these days.
Bravo, ladies. Bravo.
I didn't realize we were gonna frame Hercules.
I thought we were gonna have a little fun.
We are having fun.
Ow!
They are going to burn him at the stake.
Tell ya what... if the trial doesn't go his way,
we'll free him, all right?
Okay.
[Magistrate] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
we all know what we saw.
But the accused denies our interpretation of the events.
Now, given his reputation,
it is just that his denial give us pause.
But I ask you this...
what if his reputation is not all that it seems to be?
The prosecution calls Hercules.
[Magistrate] State your name for the record.
You know who I am.
Do we? You say you're the son of Zeus.
- Lamthe son of Zeus. - Then produce him.
Surely a good father would come to help his son in a time of need.
You're assuming he's a good father, which he isn't.
We don't have a close relationship.
Then how do we know the source of your power is divine?
Come on. He's the son of Zeus. I've seen them together.
Strike that man's remarks from the record.
He's the defendant's best friend and undoubtedly a biased source.
- Why would he lie about that? - Remove that man from the courtroom!
Look! Hercules has never used his power...
- except for good and to help people. - [Chattering]
Is that so, Hercules?
- Tell me, you don't carry any money, do you? - No.
You survive off the goodwill of others...
payment for favors you provide for the community.
Am I correct? Sometimes, out of gratitude,
someone will give me a meal, a bed for the night.
I submit that you use witchcraft to create emergencies...
that you conveniently resolve for your unwitting marks.
You then take advantage of their hospitality and goodwill.
In fact, your livelihood depends on it. Is that not the case?
Well, counselor, you have a point.
I can really feel all the goodwill I've conned out of this town.
We've gotta do something.
This is all my fault. I should never have called you here.
There's something you should know.
Seska and her friends are responsible for all this.
They've been practicing witchcraft.
Don't worry though. Hercules wants to protect Seska as much as you do,
so that's why he's standing trial... for her.
But we've got to figure out a way to help him.
[Man] Betray us like that.
How? We just have to put our heads together.
What can we do?
Nobody minds their own business anymore.
We have to keep them occupied.
No. No more spells, okay? We have done enough damage.
Well, who's talking about damage?
There are other ways of distracting them that are lots more fun.
And besides, with a man around the house,
maybe your mother will finally get off your back.
Wait a minute. Don't we need something of his,
like a... like a toenail or something?
Maybe an amateur witch would, but I've been reading ahead.
So, listen and learn.
We call upon you, Nebros, Master of Witchcraft,
to affix with affection the man in this reflection.
[Kisses, Blows]
[Sighs]
Whoa. Whoa.
How long have you known the defendant?
Since we were children.
And is this court to believe that, for all that time,
you had no idea Hercules was practicing witchcraft?
Look, I've known Hercules a lot longer than you,
and, believe me, he's not a warlock.
Then how do you account for what we all saw him do?
[Inhales] I can't.
You mean you won't. You've known the truth all along, haven't you?
I've told you... And now you're lying because you know...
that harboring a warlock is a crime punishable by death!
I am giving you one last chance, Lilith.
Tell the truth and save yourself from burning at the stake!
Enough! I confess. I'm a warlock.
- No, Herc, don't! - [All Chattering]
I hid the truth from Lilith. She had no idea.
The defendant has admitted his guilt.
And according to the law, he will be executed at dawn.
Did somebody say jailbait?
- Isn't it past your bedtime? - I need somebody to tuck me in.
[Scoffs] I'm dreaming.
About lil' ol' me? I'm flattered.
You put yourself here. And I'll leave if you like.
But first,
you have to kiss me.
Now you're the one who's dreaming.
I wouldn't touch you with a 10-foot pole.
I'm gonna hold you to that.
Funny.
I don't remember planning a field trip.
The door is still locked. The bars aren't bent.
What happened? Still think your friend is innocent?
I don't think it. I know it.
Assemble the posse. Hunt him down.
[Man] Anything over there? [Man #2] Nothing at all.
[Hushed] Herc! Her... [Man #1] He can't have gotten too far.
Oh! Uh, Herc, what happened?
Haleh put me here somehow. She got to me in my dream.
A posse's after you. Well, I figured that.
So, what are you gonna do?
Good question.
[Guard] There he is! I thought you were my friend!
[Guard] He's getting away! [Guard #2] Catch him!
I'm sure there's... an explanation for this. [Groans]
[Guards Shouting In Distance, Indistinct] [Groaning]
[Yells] [Shushing] Sorry, Iolaus.
I just didn't want them to think you were a part of this.
Well, thanks for thinking of me, buddy.
How'd you lose 'em? The old "walk backwards in your own footprints" trick.
Ha! Works every time. What now?
Since I'm out and about, I might as well make the most of it.
If I can get my hands on that book, maybe I can take away Haleh's power.
Why don't you check on Lilith? Make sure she's doing all right.
I don't want her to blame herself for this. Okay.
You got it.
Lilith?
[Sighs]
Sweet Lilith. Ah!
[Fingers Snapping]
[Hercules] If you're looking for a snake,
you can always find one hiding under a rock.
Make yourself comfortable.
- I was just brushing up on my spelling. - Hmm. Give me the book.
- Come and get it. - Just give me the book.
You said you wouldn't touch me with a 10-foot pole, remember?
You should watch what you say, Hercules, especially in your dreams.
Someone might just use your words against you.
Don't play a game you can't win, Haleh.
Oh, I am winning.
And tonight... I'm gonna score the final points.
Gotta fly.
She really needs to be grounded.
[Yelps] Let me go, or I'll scream!
Go ahead and scream. They will come running,
but are you ready to live with yourself when they burn me for your mistakes?
I never meant for any of this to happen. L...
I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
I'll think about it.
You were right. Haleh's just using me to gain more power,
and now she's totally out of control.
It's only gonna get worse... I know.
Unless you help me.
Can you get your hands on that book?
- How'd you get the book? - She asked to borrow it.
I told you not to give it to anybody.
I didn't think you meant her. She's one of us.
- Where have you been? - Nowhere. Relax.
Nice to see I have such trusting friends.
What's gotten into you? You lied to me.
Discord said, if the trial didn't go well, she'd free Hercules.
She said, if the trial didn't go his way, we'dfree him. And I did.
This isn't exactly what I had in mind. Careful!
Seska, I brought you into the coven, but it's not a lifetime membership.
I'm sorry. [Exhales]
I'm just a little on edge right now.
Well, loosen up, little sister,
'cause tonight we're gonna have some real fun.
- [Sighing] Lilith. - Iolaus. Huh.
Uh, Hercules sent me along to see if you were okay.
So, well, I'm here... to see if you're okay.
A-Are you... okay? Oh.
[Exhales] Um, areyouokay?
Why? Don't I look okay? It's not a booger, is it?
[Whispering] Don't tell me it's a booger. Oh!
What's the matter with you?
Oh, Lilith, I long for you. And every moment, it gets longer.
- [Chuckles] Iolaus... - I know. I know. It's a bit of a shock.
But you know, we don't have to hurry.
We can take our time. We could live together first.
Then, if things work out, we could get married in the morning.
I don't know what's going on with you, but you're not yourself.
You're right. This is not working out as I planned.
So let me read to you... from this book of love stories.
Ah! Here's a good one.
It's called "Spank You, Your Highness." [Clears Throat]
"'‘‘Spank you, Your Highness,' said the jester to the queen.
As the crack of dawn approached, there were..."
[Exhales] Lilith?
Now, now. It isn't polite for the guest of honor to be late to his own barbecue.
Surprise, surprise. I was just on my way to see you.
Oh, really? And to what do I owe such a dubious honor?
I just wanted to congratulate you...
on the wonderful job you did with Haleh.
You've molded her into quite a psychotic young lady.
I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I? You sure do.
Well, I'll be seein' ya.
Oh! And by the way, [Snaps Fingers]
Have, uh, fun tonight.
- What's tonight? - Well, I don't know.
I wasn't invited, but I thought for sure you would've been.
[Scoffs] You're bluffing.
Well, let's think about that.
Haleh's got a spell book, which you gave her,
and she knows as long as you're around,
you'll never let her become more powerful than you.
Huh. What is the worst thing she could do with that book?
Summon Nebros from the beyond. Ah! That's it.
Aw, but she'd never do that.
Oh, unless, of course, you've underestimated...
how far she's willing to go for power. Hmm.
- Excuse me. - Certainly.
Like putty in my hands. Hmm.
???? [Chimes]
?? Full of joy??
?? Was the wedding chorus?? ???? [Rattling]
?? With timbrel music and dancing???? Lilith!
- Are you listening to me? - Yeah. Now you're scaring me.
[Giggling Idiotically] Very funny.
Now, come on. Open the door. Please.
We've got so much planning to do.
Go away, Iolaus. Aw, please, Lilith.
Open the door. Come on. I'm serious.
[Pleading] Lilith! Lilith, I'm serious. Please open the door.
[Shouting] Open the door!
[Hushed] Wait a minute. There's someone else, isn't there?
That's why you won't marry me. I don't know what you're talking about.
No, it's too late! [Gourds Clatter On Ground]
You've broken my heart. [Sobbing]
[Sobbing Continues, Fading]
Iolaus?
[Sighing] Oh, my...
Oh!
[Growls]
If I can't have you, nobody can!
Iolaus, wait! What are you doing?
Till death us do part! Uh!
- What's goin' on, buddy? - [Iolaus] Ah.
Ah, Herc. Great. You're back.
Break the door down, will ya? I gotta kill Lilith. She's cheating on me.
- Uh, what makes you think that? - She won't open the door.
- It's obvious she's got someone else in there with her. - No, she doesn't.
- She doesn't? - No, no. She didn't wanna let you in because she...
didn't wanna spoil your surprise party.
- My what? - Your surprise party.
Right, Lilith? Right. To, uh, celebrate our engagement.
Yeah. You see, the thing is,
I forgot to bring... the ice.
You know, for the drinks. Yeah.
You think you could get some before the guests arrive?
- Sure. Where do I go to get ice? - Top of those mountains.
- Dress warm. - I will.
Here. Back in a jiff. All right.
Aw... You guys.
I'd climb any peak for my Lili-poo.
What was all that about?
I'll explain later. Stay here.
- Oh. Hide that, you know, just in case. - Right.
Right.
Master, we implore you,
grace us with your presence.
I don't remember approving this little, uh, get-together.
And I don't remember inviting you.
How dare you! After all I've done for you?
- I'm a god! - What you are, Discord, is a square.
[Gasping]
And I mean that literally.
So, anyone else have something to say?
[Muffled] Let me out!
I'm a god.
[Panting]
Praise be to the master.
We have gathered here to release your spirit from the beyond.
I offer my body as a vessel.
[Roaring]
[Growling]
[Roaring]
[Gasping]
To me, Master! Come to me!
[Demonic Laughter] Come to me! To me!
[Laughter, Roaring Continue]
[Gasps]
[Low Growl]
- [Gasps] - [Demonic Voice] It's good to be back.
Don't get too comfortable. You're not staying.
Well, look who's back.
- Oh, not this again. - You can't touch me. Remember?
But I can touch you!
[Groans, Grunts]
- [Yelling] - [Grunting]
[Growls]
- Havin' fun? - Yeah.
[Laughing]
[Growls]
[Groaning, Panting]
Seska, now!
"By the power of three, we did thee bound.
Now with these words, the spell's unwound."
- How dare you betray me! - [Hercules] She didn't.
She just borrowed a page from your book.
[Growls]
Believe me, this is gonna hurt you more than it's gonna hurt me.
[Yells]
- [Growls] - Uh?
Sorry.
Knowledge is power. Huh, Haleh?
Haleh has gone forever!
Aw, that's too bad. I was just starting to like her.
[Growling]
No!
[Screaming] No!
[Exhales]
You two all right?
Yeah, just.
Um, listen, I'm... I'm sorry.
I didn't know she'd turn out to be so...
Hey, it's okay. She used you like she used me.
- You ready to go home? - Oh, yeah. [Chuckles]
[People Chattering]
So, how'd it go? Well, we renounced witchcraft.
And with Discord confessing to getting us started on all this,
they took it easy on us... a summer of community service. Ah, good.
Wait, wait. How did you get Discord to confess?
[Muffled Shouting, Indistinct] No.
Oh, yeah. [Muffled] Oh! Let me out of here!
[Continues Shouting, Gasping]
We had a deal. I got you out of trouble. Now pay up!
What do you think?
I think a deal's a deal, unfortunately.
Besides, what's one more spell between friends?
[Chucking]
[Kisses, Blows] [Blowing]
Open the box!
[Sighing]
Let's just forget this whole thing ever happened.
[Chuckling] Shall we?
Oh, Mom.
I am so sorry for such trouble I've caused you lately.
No. I'm sorry I couldn't be the friend you needed.
No, but you are.
I just haven't realized it.
- Thank you. - Oh, it was our pleasure.
- Oh, no. - [Both] What?
- Iolaus. - [Gasps]
I'll be back.
[Wind Blowing]
I gotta get some ice. Yeah.
Ice. For people to have... to have with their drinks.
[Mumbling]
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, boy.
[Gasps]
What am I doing here?
[Gasps] Wha...
Somebody tell me what I'm doing here?
Anybody? Anybody?
- Anybody! Anybody! - [Echoing] Anybody! Anybody!
Anybody! [Echoing] Anybody! ...body!...body!...body!
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